


A List of Firsts (How it All Started with Jennie’s Ruthless Confidence)

by praecipula19



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Forever, Foreverdoexist, From first meeting to a happy ending, Idol romance, Jennie Kim is a precious mochi, Kim Namjoon is a cinnamon roll, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 03:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16846267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/praecipula19/pseuds/praecipula19
Summary: Kim Namjoon and Jennie Kim shared their firsts of everything and prayed it would lead them to something. (Or how Jennie breathed life into Namjoon, only to break it and continuously mend the pieces back together.)





	A List of Firsts (How it All Started with Jennie’s Ruthless Confidence)

**Author's Note:**

> I suppose now's the time you start asking, is this ship possible? Honestly, I don't know. I'm a trash Kim Taehyung/ Jennie Kim shipper but lately I felt like their chemistry isn't working. When it comes to Jennie, I always knew her of a spoiled princess so I think someone intelligent with a calm attitude like Kim Namjoon works well with her. Idk, I mean, what do I know about these idols? Nevertheless, I am shameless to admit that I really liked this story both as its writer and a reader.

There were only a handful things Kim Namjoon knew of Jennie Kim to be true and it could be counted by one hand: she shared his family name (although they were not related in a way), she was YG’s famous ice princess, she was multi-talented and she was alluring as a rose, tempting but full of thorns. 

His band mates were closely behind him when they exited the stage after Melon Music Awards 2018. Namjoon was in the middle of fishing his phone out from his pants with no little amount of effort for its fabric clung to him like a hungry snake when Jennie Kim stopped in front of him in all her skimpy outfit. 

For a second, Namjoon smiled, looked around, then his expression morphed into confusion when he saw no camera focused on them. Jennie cocked her head in tune with Hosoek’s whistle and Jungkook’s bewildered grumbles. She did not look bothered at the seven pairs of eyes, a calm facade pasted on her pretty face like she had been dealing with this kind of attention all her life. 

Namjoon was intrigued. 

“You’re a songwriter. “she said, then, “and a producer. “

It wasn’t a question but Namjoon ended up nodding. She watched him coolly, even when he started flushing at the idea of being the center of those striking eyes. Then she turned her back and walked away.

He thought he had dealt with so many weird shit enough. From the occasional and questionable porn he comes across, to finding Jimin and Yoongi in a compromising position in their third year as bandmates and to the horror that happened behind closed door of most entertainment companies. He could deal with strangeness, and even sometimes plain ass craziness but there was something about the manner in which Jennie Kim just waltzed in front of him and demanded attention that prickled at the back of his mind for weeks. 

It did not help that two weeks after MMA 2018, and during another award show, she managed to sneak up beside him backstage and attempted a conversation with him. 

“I heard you like books.” Jennie said, eyes staring resolutely everywhere except him as she sat beside him, water bottle clamped in her hands. “I like books too. What do you like to read?”

Namjoon dragged his eyes from her exposed shoulder. “What?”

“I said.” she repeated, slowly and with a hint of mock, “What type of books do you like?”

Affronted by the judging tone, Namjoon begun mentally listing down brilliant literature he had devoured for the past years but one mirthful smile from the woman in front of him made him abandoned it. To hell with masculinity, it was too overrated anyway. “Everything.” he ended up shrugging. 

“Have you read Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo?” She didn’t seem bothered by his sudden lack of conversational skill, and her eyes instead flickered down to her impeccable nails, searching for invisible dirt. “I think you’ll like it.”

“Sure.” He answered, though he doubted anything could hold his attention better than her accent curling in the English words of the title of whatever book she was recommending him. 

She sighed. “Are you always this amenable?”

“I’m sorry.” Namjoon finally tore his gaze from her to run a hand down his face. If he thought he was over in seeing celebrities everywhere, this was the personification of that lie slapping him. “This is so weird.”

“Weird? Why?”

“You.” He gestured to her and at last, Jennie met his eyes. “You’re from YG.”

Her lips folder over themselves lightly, grinding together in what could be a moment of deliberation but to Namjoon, it was torture reincarnation. “Of course, what did I expect?”

The words did not register until she was half-way out the backstage canteen. Puzzled, Namjoon frowned as she seemed to draw herself into a ball against the other idols littering the ground. She did not look up, nor demonstrated basic respect to any of them. He wondered then if her reputation held any truth. 

\---OOO---

It was two months later into 2019 that Namjoon heard of her again. 

This time in the presence of the cool air condition of their dressing room and against the sweat-induced air of the tired bodies of his bandmates. Namjoon stared at the screen of the television, chest heaving from non-stop performing for an hour and a half for BTS’ first concert of the year. Somewhere in the background, Taehyung made a disappointed noise and Jin’s ridiculous theories. All Namjoon saw was Jennie Kim’s body dragged from a club, her remarkable features now slacked undoubtedly from the amount of alcohol she must have consumed to be reduced to this. 

They did not see each other for six months.

\---OOO---

The next time Namjoon bumped into her, it was completely accidental (or not). SBS was holding a fundraising concert for the victims of the recent terrorist attack in one of Seoul's subway. Most of kpop artist were present to show their support. His band needed to fly back from the Manila to attend said concert and had four hours more before they boarded a plane back to make up for their scheduled tour. 

It was not like he was specifically looking for her. He was just hoping to bump into her that’s all and maybe ask why she kept going down the black hole since the last time they met. It would not be an easy conversation but one that Namjoon was kind of personally invested about. 

He watched BLACKPINK debut and was able to witness their quick climb to fame. Namjoon needed to observe them closely for that first year but he was not shy to admit he had grown fond of their music. It was only natural for him to be curious why their most popular member was always trending for all the wrong things: smoking, drinking, lack of effort and bad attitude were just few of those things recently associated to the once revered Jennie Kim. 

He did not see her. 

Not in the canteen. Nor in the near vicinity of BLACKPINK’s dressing area. He did saw Lisa and Rose entering their room but no Jennie in sight. Giving up, Namjoon was on his way back to their assigned sitting in the crowd when he heard rustling behind the boxes of props piled in the left corner of the door leading outside. He glanced at the guards manning the entrance but they did not appear to notice. Namjoon chewed his left cheek and debated with himself. He figured if it was just a stray animal, he had nothing to lose. 

He moved behind the boxes, as inconspicuous as possible which was not an easy feat for someone with his towering height. Fortunately, the guard who did noticed him extended his care only to fans slipping inside the backstage and not to what idols got up to in their free time. 

Namjoon barely managed to exhale in relief when he caught first glimpse of a folded woman’s body, small and shivering against the cold stone of the floor. Jennie’s eyes shoot up from where they were buried in her knees and Namjoon witnessed her expression transitioned from guarded to confused then to indifference. 

He had so many things to tell her, to ask her but they all felt wrong to him in that instant. Here was Jennie Kim, the most beautiful idol according to South Korea’s magazines, tucked in the corner of a dark backstage, shielded by the world by mere dusty boxes and there was nothing Namjoon wished than to be beside her. He did just that.

Jennie threw him a wary look. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know.” Namjoon started leaning back but the boxes shifted dangerously. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” 

“Neither are you.”

“We’re not supposed to be here.” Jennie made an annoyed sound and Namjoon’s stomach dropped a bit at the unwelcome gesture. “They can’t see you with me.”

“Why?”

“You know why.” Jennie snapped then as if that was all the energy she could expend, her body turned lax. She stretched her folded legs in front of her and picked lint off from her silver skirt. 

Namjoon did know. He just did not care. His reputation a far less priority in that moment. If Yoongi was there with him, he would have smacked his palm in his face dramatically and mourn for their total ruin because little Namjoon was controlling big Namjoon too much. 

“My cousin’s one of them.” Jennie begun, her tone a reminiscent of the first time she blocked his path, child-like innocent and lifeless spirit blended together.

“Of what?”

“Of the victims.” The way she delivered her next statement was done in a manner of someone delicately picking apart words by words from whatever emotion they were originally meant to be attached with. “She wanted to audition for YG. I said no. I could have sent a plane ticket, or a bus ticket but I was too stubborn. She, even more so than me.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Namjoon said but his words may as well have been lost in the thousands of voices in the stadium. 

“It wasn’t her fault too.” Jennie tilted her chin up the ceiling. “She grew up with me. She wanted so desperately to be like me and I could not give her that, would not allow that because… just look at me. Why would anyone want to be like me?”

And it was only when the first drop of tear slid down her cheek that Namjoon understood. Here was Jennie Kim, cruel and enchanting, and could not even mourn properly because if she did, more people were going to tear her apart. She reminded him of someone, a person he had battled with and lost so many years ago. So Namjoon did what he knew that person would have wanted, he tugged her close and held her body against him. At first, her limbs tensed under his hands, her left shoulder angled awkwardly against his chest. Her eyes met his in the dark and despite the absence of words between them, the roar of fans outside, the danger of their position and the risk of getting caught, she let him. 

Namjoon did not see her again for another three months but he kept up with the news. Her reputation continued to tether between good and deplorable articles. She was talented but tired, drained and lifeless. She had potential but she lacked tenacity. Must be because of her privileged background. Must be because of YG’s favoritism. All these Namjoon listened and processed but with reservations. 

His band mates were starting to notice. Heck, there was no hiding the fact that when Jimin borrowed his phone, he was bound to be greeted by recommendations about BLACKPINK. Or when Namjoon was almost out of their shared hotel room, and he would step backwardly to watch news about BLACKPINK while Yoongi and Jin continued to make gagging noises each time. Or even when they were shooting a content video for their Vlive channel and passed by a kpop store and Namjoon picked up a Jennie Kim fan and Taehyung froze and had to cover that up by choosing his own Red Velvet themed fan. And that time when Hoseok and him were recording their own diary entry and accidentally slipped that he liked Jennie’s voice the most. 

It got to the extent that Bang PD himself called in the middle of the night (afternoon in South Korea) and demanded to know what the fuck was the deal between him and Jennie because their ARMYs were starting to speculate he harbored a crush. Namjoon assured him that it was nothing and completely unintentionally mistakes. 

Nothing. 

It was what Namjoon kept telling himself when once more Jennie sent him a picture of a book she finished reading and even if he did not ask, continued spoiling it for him. Like he said before, she reminded him of someone. 

‘how is America doing you’, she typed

‘cold and too many high calorie foods’, he answered, ‘when will you be back from Japan? 

‘we got one more guesting then we’re done’, she typed again, then the dots that let him know she was typing more disappeared for several times and he wondered what it was she was having a hard time to say. 

‘i got you a souvenir.’

Namjoon was in the middle processing that sentence when a picture of a KAWS doll nestled between Jennie’s feet popped in their convo. He laughed and struggled with sleep that night when his heart felt as if running a mile per second. 

\---OOO---

The next time they saw each other, it was in the comforts of her borrowed car. BLACKPINK had finally came back to Korea to prepare for their next album and BTS had just finished their world tour. Namjoon felt blessed by all the fans who he got to meet in that journey, for the unshakeable love they pour for BTS and he could not brush off the whisper of guilt when the idea of Jennie waiting for him in the parking lot of the airport could be equaled to standing in front of sixty thousand fans and hearing their band name, BTS, rolled down the stands.

At this point, when Namjoon told them he would be using the private exit, his band mates did nothing more than slap him in the back while their personal staff shared resigned sighs. 

Namjoon’s hands gripping his bag were slicked with sweats when he finally located the car Jennie described to him an hour ago. He walked towards it purposefully, and convinced himself it was only few steps away and not a three-month separation. 

The moment he slid into the passenger side, and he was met with a gummy smile, he wondered if it was even possible to put into words how one could be rendered entirely powerless against a person he had seen and talk to behind a screen more than in person. 

Namjoon believed that a strong relationship was built on meaningful conversations and sincere connections that would have been developed over the course of close interactions. This was none of that. This was guarded secrets, reserved touches, miles apart and contract forbidden future and it had never made more sense to him than it did the first time Jennie stood in front of him, looking like she had all the right to be there. Yet, the world had never felt righter to Namjoon. 

Jennie stirred them away from the parking lot, down the crisp streets of their home country laid in front of them but could not see their intertwined hands between them. 

She glanced at him in between stop lights, cheeks flushed and pulse in rapid beats against his own palm. 

Namjoon simply knew. And accepted.

\---OOO---

It was another week before Namjoon was able to kiss her for the first time. It was not glorified the way he imagined it to be, nor tender the way he knew she deserved. Their lips were slammed together with no finesse, Jennie’s hands curled on his coat tightly and Namjoon simply holding her waist because he knew she needed this. She leaned back, only to breathe, then met his lips again, his tongue seeking entrance and pressing against her own. She made a pleasured sound, one hand gripping his coat coming to rest against his cheek instead. 

Namjoon slipped a hand under her blouse and rested against the skin in her lower back possessively. He continued trailing kissing in the line of her jaw, the hollowed space between her collar and shoulder, then back to her lips. 

After, when she stopped trembling and her tears had dried, Namjoon held her close in his chest. He assured her the dreaded rumors weren’t true. That she was amazing, talented and brilliant and those people who says otherwise did not matter. Only those who cared truly she should pay real attention to. He pressed soft kisses in her cheeks and nuzzled her nose with his and only then, did he kissed her the way he dreamed of. 

That was also the first time Jennie visited his studio. Also the first time they slept in the couch inside together, simply holding each other enough to relay how much they mattered. And the first time Namjoon realized how much YG has been mistreating her. 

\---OOO---

The fifth time Jennie Kim visited his studio, she had a broken elbow. 

Namjoon stared at the bandaged limb. 

“It got worse.” Her lips rubbed against each other, a habit Namjoon discovered she did when she was nervous.

“I thought I already told you to let it rest for a while.”

“Well, you know I can’t afford that right? We’re already behind practice because of my side modeling.”

Namjoon rubbed his forehead with his fingers in exasperation. “Your company should have known better than to force you. You would not be useful for the comeback once you start limping again.”

“I always have the worst timings in comeback. Last time, it was the ankle. Now it’s the elbow. I think Running Man has given me a curse.” She said dramatically.

“Well if you just sleep enough, maybe you’ll actually stop bumping into furniture.”

“Says the destroyer. You, out of all the people in the world, don’t get to lecture about breaking things. “

Namjoon sighed. “Come here. “

Jennie sat in his lap, her cheek coming to rest in his neck while he wrapped his free hand across her waist then finally came to support her injured elbow. “What are you working on?”

Namjoon hummed for a mysterious effect then dropped a kiss on her lips. Her cheeks reddened pleasantly and he kissed her more just because he could. The thought settled the universe around him. “Our next album’s intro.”

“Can I hear it?”

“There’s nothing to hear yet. I haven’t even started writing the lyrics yet. I’m still deliberating whether we can work on this track Yoongi-hyung produced or we’ll start from scratch. And that still depends on the final theme we want this album to take. “

“Can you play the track?”

Namjoon did. 

“Yours is very different with Suga-hyung.” Jennie had always used Yoongi’s screen name, at least until she was given permission by the man, according to her. Her hands intertwined with his. “I always thought that Teddy likes to tell his story in bright colors, loud and always with emphasis. As if with every repeat of tune, he’s telling the listeners to hear him, hear his thoughts. Suga liked his aggressive and mellow, as if it’s the only time he’ll ever have to say it but he wants to drag it long.”

Namjoon turned their hands idly. “Mine?”

“I always liked yours. I started becoming a fan in the Save Me era.” She gazed up at him with mirth but the slight flare of her nose revealed it was taking all her might to stay still. She did it when she was being exceptionally shy, which did not always happen so Namjoon relished it when it did. “I like how you seem desperate to be heard.”

“At that time, we were.” He brought their hands against his chest and pressed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. Her eyes fluttered closed so he pressed a kiss against them to. 

\---OOO---

The next time Jennie was there at the studio, she was a broken mess, mentally and physically. 

YG had just frozen all their schedules because her broken elbow had gotten worse. She could not stop blaming herself. She did not say it to him at face value though. Her smiles exclusively for him were still painted across her lips but there was something wrong. The corner of her eyes not as crinkled as they used to, her gummy smile a little sadder. Namjoon knew it as simple as when he looked at the sky and knew when a storm was coming. 

So he stayed with because it was the only thing she allowed him to do for her.

They were in the floor of his room, playing monopoly when Jennie brought it up. “So I… “

Namjoon nudged her foot his own. “What?”

“I figured since I’m on bed rest for the next two weeks, I need to make it up to my fans.” Her words came out in rapid fires but her expression said there were more she could not swallow to say. 

“So take a rest and nurse yourself back.”

“You’re not helping.” She scowled. 

“What do you wanna do? “

“I know you’re busy with your next album, and I don’t really need too much instructions. Maybe some basic ones for producing? I’m a fast learner. “Her entire cheeks were flaming now. It always hurt her to seek other people’s time because she knew how precious time was in their line of work. 

“You want to produce a song for your fans.” Namjoon stated rather than clarify. 

She nodded tersely. “I already wrote my lyrics, and I can play guitar but I’m useless when it comes to the more technical stuff. We were off-limits from the studio unless we need to record something.”

“Of course, I’ll teach you.” Namjoon swept the board with his left feet and tackled Jennie to the floor. He remembered to late that she was injured and by then, he had an angry bruise under the skin near his armpit which his girlfriend liked to squeeze as a retaliation. 

The next two weeks were spent with Jennie visiting his studio at 9 am and leaving at 5 pm. He got so used to seeing her lying stomach down on his couch, macbook and the various equipment he lent her spread around with her music sheets that when she returned back to her regular schedule, he still found himself checking her back in habit then ending up disappointed after he realized she was not there. 

Sometimes, his band mates would be there and talked to her. Hoseok seemed to take extra liking to her and even gave her two hours of his time, just providing tips but not really intervening with her work. Taehyung and Jimin especially liked her and could not stop teasing Namjoon for being such a whipped housewife. 

He did ask her if her own band mates ever wondered where she spent her time and she told him they knew where exactly but what about her company?

“As long as I’m still bringing them money and not causing more scandal than before, they could care less.”

“And are you?” Namjoon plopped down on his back beside her in the floor. He turned his head to the side, his cheek pressed in the carpet beneath. He tucked a loose hair behind her ears. “Creating more scandal?”

She scoffed, hands still flying over her keyboards as she laid finishing touches to her first ever song. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? BTS Leader Rap Monster Caught Lip Locked with Jennie Kim in a Gangnam Club. “

Namjoon’s lips curled in burning distaste. “Except I would not like to come out with you using Rap Monster as a name.”

“I’ll remember to always refer you as Rap Monster in future interviews.” She snickered, and there was no doubt she would. 

Namjoon moaned in distress. “But you don’t go clubbing now, right? You used to go all the time. “

“I don’t need to, now.”

His chest fluttered. He doubted it ever stopped since the day he held her close for the first time. “What changed?” he asked, softly. 

“I have you now.”

It was muttered in such casual way but it still created the impact it sought. Namjoon did not know he was beaming until Jennie stopped working and regarded him with resignation and fondness alike.

“Your dimples are showing again.”

“You like them.”

“I never said I don’t.”

And Namjoon kissed her again, just because he felt lucky he was allowed to.

\---OOO---

Their first fight was petty and could have been resolved easily enough with kisses and cuddles. But Namjoon had not seen Jennie for almost three weeks, and even the video calls they managed to sneak in between her group’s comeback promotion had been brief and hurried. So it was only understandable, in his own selfish opinion, that he began feeling jealousy over the guy that the media started pairing Jennie Kim with.

“It’s just a variety show.” said Yoongi, clamping a hand down his tense shoulder as they both watched the latest episode of Running Man. His girlfriend was laughing at what that Pentagon member (he thought he was called Woo Seok but he found he did not really care if it did not mean erasing the idol’s name from this side of the earth) was saying. The screen literally painted them in flying hearts, cheeky grins and a Boys Over Flowers BGM. 

Namjoon broke his computer mouse that day and then felt guilty over it when Jennie called him that night with an exhausted expression, the weeks of non-stop promotion showing in her face now devoid of make-up.

However, it still did not stop Namjoon from throwing a fuss when he learned Jennie was meant to guest in another show with that Pentagon member especially when more fans and even wilder articles were making assumptions about them. It did not help that Jennie let it slipped one time that her ideal man was someone tall and with dimples. Some other time, Namjoon would have been beyond pleased but he found it unpleasant now when his features were being confused with another man.

“Why are you being such an insufferable asshole?” Jennie exhaled in exasperation, sitting up from where she was previously lounging in their studio couch.

“Maybe because I never see you now and the only time I do, it’s when you’re parading yourself around with that man!”

Jennie stiffened. Her eyes blazed. “Of all people, I thought you’d understand.”

“You don’t need to whore yourself out to the public for your music.” Namjoon did not meant it, but in his anger, he said it. “You’re a musician, not a puppet.”

“I’m an idol.” He saw her swallowed, before she picked up her channel bag and exited the room with an air of finality.

Namjoon hated himself a little more than Woo Seok.

\---OOO---

She did not contact him for a straight week and Namjoon lost himself to the one thing he knew would never judge him, his music.

There were times of course when he scrolled through his Facebook and still come across some updates from Jennie and Woo Seok. Those were the times he did not managed to work and ended up playing sad music all day. Jimin commented once that he would leave the band if he ended up singing an even more emo song than Fake Love. 

Namjoon opened up his Vlive for the first time in a long time and simply sat there in front of his fans. He never knew he missed their constant presence. For hours, he talked to them, updating them about his band’s current projects and future plans for the album. Only when the camera was turned off, the viewers reduced to the dark screen of his computer that Namjoon let himself registered the hollow space in his heart.

He sent Jennie a text to meet him. She did not reply.

Namjoon went to sleep feeling hopeless.

Then woke up to a set of fingers slowly threading themselves through his hair. He blinked back his drowsiness and came face to face with Jennie curled up beside him, the dark circles under her eyes more prominent than the last time. 

“We had a late routine practice.” Jennie murmured, hands ended up settling in the back of his neck. “I just saw your text.”

“I’m sorry.” Namjoon whispered back.

“I’m not interested in anyone else.” She said instead.

“I know. I trust you.”

Jennie scooted closer and Namjoon wrapped her inside his arms. The universe aligned itself once more around him. “I get jealous too, you know. Especially when you’re working with these beautiful musicians all the time now. I fear that one day, you’re going to find something in them that needs saving and I’ll lose you.”

Namjoon’s breath hitched. “That’s never going to happen.”

“It doesn’t prevent me from overthinking.” Jennie sighed, then unburied her face in his chest long enough to drop a small kiss in his cheek, where his dimple usually surfaced. “But I tell myself, what we have, it’s much larger than my insecurities. I think when I gave you my heart, I knew you’d treat it gently.”

His heart stuttered. “Do I have it, then? Your heart.”

Jennie’s eyes lit up in amusement. “Don’t tell me you don’t know. That’ll be hilarious.”

“What should I know?” He asked, breathless.

“That I love you.” Jennie said. “Since the first time.”

“We have lots of first time.”

“All of them then. I love you in each all of them.”

That was the first of many times that Namjoon cried to her, not because he did not have anyone to cry to, but because she was the one he trusted the most with his weakness. When he kissed her, long and deep, Namjoon whispered a thousand words of love and longing. He loved and pained because he had this. He never knew it would be enough to had this and he felt pain because he loved her too much.

\---OOO----

It was only a matter of time before their fans caught up. 

Namjoon and Jennie had been extra careful with their relationship so far. They had only been together for six months since BTS came back from their world tour and two months after BLACKPINK had launched their comeback. They had known and danced around each other for a year before that. Namjoon honestly could not remember how he was before he met her.

Their first confessions lowered their guard for a few times but those few times costed them a lot.

Jennie flashing the gold bracelet he customized for her birthday and the seller who sold it to him tattled out to the fans.

Namjoon letting it slip that the precious doll beside his computer was from someone equally treasured and the fans unburied a picture of Rose and Jennie shopping a KAWS specialized shop in Japan.

Jennie’s forgotten wallet caught in the camera in their couch in his studio.

BTS members dancing to the latest BLACKPINK song and shamelessly making teasing remarks about Namjoon on cam.

Jennie’s picture wearing an allegedly identical Gucci sweater he owned.

Someone gossiping about the time Namjoon rented an entire cinema for a re-showing of Titanic.

Jennie’s masked face captured near BTS’ condominium.

All of these scandals YG squashed with an iron fist and a handful of alibis. The bracelet was sponsored, Rose and Jennie visited for Rose’s cousin birthday, the t-shirt was simply coincidental and Jennie was shopping near the area only. Meanwhile, Bang Si Hyuk merely shook his head and asked if Jennie would be worth the millions Namjoon was gambling on the line. Namjoon simply said yes and there were no confirmations nor statements of denials that were released by BigHit since then.

“As long as I am not caught with you out rightly, I’ll be fine.” Jennie answered when he asked her how YG had been reacting. She smiled at him brightly, but her lips were pulled a little tenser. “We’ll have to be extra careful now though.”

“Tell me if there’s anything I can do.” Namjoon would storm into YG’s building if warranted. Jennie’s sharp glare told him she knew.

“Don’t you dare.”

\---OOO---

During MAMA 2019, Jennie barely looked in their group’s direction. Namjoon understood and quenched his worry with the weight of a hotel card inside his breast pocket. It did not stop him though in showing his support to BLACKPINK’s performance and got captured grinning stupidly when BLACKPINK got their first award of the night; Best Female Group.

BTS performance started with Namjoon and they had been given their own special stage. He stood in an Alexander McQueen suit and started his serenade. His own version of ‘Serendipity’, after grueling vocal practice with Jimin and Yoongi and Jin’s judgmental scorns. He sang it the way he imagined he would when he wrote the lyrics for her.

And he remembered every detail that lead them with a swell of love and trust.

The first time she looked at him, only him.

The first time she gave him her gummy smile.

The first time she bought him a gift.

The first time she called because she just wanted to hear him.

The first time she let him hold her hand.

The first time she kissed him.

The first time he did.

The first time she told him she loved him.

The first he realized she gave his life a whole new purpose.

Namjoon was not sure what their future holds for them but as he met Jennie’s eyes in the crowd, her right hand circled around the bracelet in her left wrist protectively, he knew that the universe had gifted him a priceless gift and he was defenseless but to accept it no matter what the cost.

They had more firsts broken that night, the last barrier between them. 

Namjoon took his time unraveling Jennie below her, her hidden spots and curves. The sensitive patch of skin just nestled a little above her crotch. Her stunning responses when he entered her with his tongue. The tiny noises breathed color in his existence, soft and delicate.

“I know you…”Jennie gasped, her eyes bright and searching and chest heaving between their naked bodies. “Have lots of practice in this area. I don’t…I haven’t…”

Namjoon fell a little more in love if he was not already in too deep. “I know.” He caressed her face like an invaluable art. “This is the first time I’m doing this with someone I love. I want to give you the best things.”

“Well.” Jennie swallowed. “Teach me. I want to love you this way too.”

So Namjoon taught her little by little and she taught him in return, of all the magnificent things one could feel when making love. It was familiar in a way, the thrust of body against one another, the warmth of skin on his but different in all the things that mattered. Jennie continued to be a contradiction in between sheets. After the initial shyness, she became more vocal and demanding of the things that brought her pleasure. At the same time, she was aggressive towards giving Namjoon the same and was pliant under his instructions.  
Namjoon murmured sweet nothings to her ears as they finally rested, the early morning sun just starting to paint the sky orange. Jennie nuzzled her head in his chest and asked him to stay. Namjoon could not imagine doing anything else.

\----OOO----

The meeting with his parents was conducted in secret, like all things they did since the start. Namjoon arranged a small vacation time with his parents and had untactfully dropped that he wanted them to meet someone.

“Finally.” His father mumbled, turning his newspaper as if he had known all this time and was just waiting for his son. 

His mother was more vocal in expressing her in doubts. “Is this someone happens to be a girl?”

Namjoon smiled sheepishly. “Be gentle with her okay? This one’s means everything to me.”

He was aware that Jennie’s reputation could sometimes prompt people for immediate reservations. Nonetheless tamer by nature now, her attitude still caused raised brows and rancor at some point. Namjoon was encompassed in the handful of people she let into her fortress and knew the reason why she needed to uphold that image. It did not stop him from hoping his parents could be persuaded to be included in those few numbers though. The tiny frown in his mother’s face told him she had suspicions it would be the infamous Jennie Kim they would be meeting but still hoped for the opposite.  
Jennie appeared the woman she was, behind the camera and the layers of make-up. She stood in front of her parents in a pastel pink dress and a leather jacket. She kept her make-up minimal this time and had responded to all her parents’ inquiry with politeness and respect.

Later, when her mother managed to convince her son and his husband to take a walk outside the beach, Namjoon worried diligently despite his father’s assurances that her mother would uphold his wishes.

“She’s pretty.” His father commented.

Namjoon pursed his lips. “It’s more than that.”

Jennie greeted him hours later with a worn-out expression and a bowl of unsavory kimchi in front of her. In the living room sofa, his parents were conversing and snickering. “Taste this shit.”  
Namjoon accepted the kimchi then wished he prepared himself a bit before he did.

Jennie threw him a sour look. “Taste exactly like shit.”

“No, it’s not.” He snickered. In the background, his mom let out a gentle laugh.

Her pout turned into a mournful one. “Your mother hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Namjoon abandoned his perch from the breakfast bar and stood behind her. They watched her hands swirl more red bean paste in the bowl. “She likes you.”

“How would you know that?” She asked in a demanding tone. “You’re not the one to spend time with her all afternoon slaving over kimchi and a bunch of side dishes I could not even remember eating in my entire life.”

“I just know.” Namjoon hugged her from behind and squeezed her tight. He did not tell her his mother once promised him that if she found the one for him, she would teach her how to make all his favorite dishes. “Thank you for being here.”

“I’ll tell my mom and dad to give you hell when you meet them.” She threatened.

\---OOO---

Namjoon never did meet Jennie’s parents because their world burst into tiny fragile pieces. 

It was a silly mistake because yet again, they were not able to spend time as BTS started their own comeback and Namjoon selfishly called Jennie when he gained a free time. They did not take into consideration if someone was following her from the coffee shop she visited with Lisa. Or that Jennie’s face was unmasked as she slid into Namjoon’s car or someone might be watching them as they made out in a parking lot.

The news slammed into BigHit in the morning like an unyielding storm, brutal and cruel. 

They painted Jennie as someone who was doomed with teenage lust and Namjoon as an hormonal guy controlled by his dick. Out of the two of them, Jennie received the blunt of the scandal the most because of her stand as the weaker gender in the mass’s eyes. BTS and BLACKPINK fans were an unstoppable force when they began sharpening their swords for a merciless fight.  
Namjoon readied himself to storm inside YG after all but Jennie appeared in their door before he could march out. His band mates quickly scattered away even when they were prepared to go with him a minute ago. 

Jennie looked composed and Namjoon’s heart quieten a bit. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes.” She took a steadying breath. “I’m fine.”

“What happened?”

“They made me choose. Them or you.” 

Namjoon pulse rocketed at once and he for the first time in a long while, prayed. But Jennie was not looking at him. It took every discipline for him to remember how to breathe.

“I chose me.” Jennie said, pained but steadfast. “I can’t do this anymore. I think I want to do more but I can’t. I cannot keep dragging my group mates with me. Rose deserves better and Lisa and Jisoo. I will hurt them if I stay.”

Namjoon swallowed. “What about me?”

“Especially you.” Jennie said firmly. “I can’t drag you down with me.”

“I don’t care about them. We’re in this together. Don’t push me out.”

But Jennie was already stepping back. “I want to see everything, Joonie. I want to try being someone not dictated with contracts or expectations. And it won’t be fair for you because you already found your place. You belong here, you shine here. I hope one day, I can be too.”

“Jennie, please, don’t leave me.” Namjoon asked brokenly. “You asked me to stay once. I’m asking you now.”

Out of all the uncertainties he felt when he saw their pictures in that news, being abandoned by her was the least of it. He did not really calculate she would, but she turned her back resolutely and walked away from him. From them. He wanted to run after her, to shake her and ask why couldn’t it be ‘us’ that she chose. How could she be so greedy to choose herself only and disregard all that they have been through?

Namjoon waited for her to return.

She did not.

So Namjoon did stupid things after she left because that was exactly what she did. She flew out of the country, left her band mates to go to their solo careers and pursued whatever it was worth hurting him for. For a time, he was angry. He was furious at her thoughtlessness. He spiraled into a catastrophe after her wake.

He slept with other people.

He lived for his constant only, his music.

He pretended she did not existed in his world at one point.

For a time, it worked. Until he realized no matter what he did, it was futile. The empty hollow in his chest spread even wider, despite knowing that her band mates shone in their chosen career, Rose in her singing, Lisa with her dancing and Jisoo as an actress. BTS remained intact and even wilder than before as if the fans sensed the sacrifice the group’s leader made. Recurrently, the guilt strike because if it had been up to Namjoon, he would have discarded his career for her. 

Days blurred into weeks that faded into months and headed to a full year.

A year of not seeing her and knowing what she was currently doing.

They have been too invested with each other that it was a miracle Namjoon could still pick out the residue she left. It was agonizing to wake up each day but he became adept at ignoring it.

\---OOO---

He met Soo-Yeon during BTS’s collaborative with Cube Enterainment. Her feisty and determined attitude reminded him a bit of himself when he was just starting out. She was ambitious with a strong game plan on how to reach the top. Her group, G-IDLE has been taking the kpop industry for months now. Namjoon knew a bit of her from their debut time but they got closer as they worked in a collab song.

Soo-Yeon tucked her feet under her legs, poised casually in the coach in his studio. Namjoon willed the pang of hurt upon seeing how wrong the image was.

“We’ll nail this.” She grinned, arrogant and confident.

He swiveled back to his screen.

Though he sees a part of Jennie in her assured attitude, Namjoon had not foreseen the rumors about them. Soo-Yeon told him it did not bother her and her company had learn better than to chastise its talent after what they did to Hyuna and E-Dawn in the past. 

They worked in the song for several weeks. On the day of their performance, Namjoon felt alive with energy as the fans sung around them and felt pleased that in a month, they’ll head into another world tour. It had been too long since they started working on in their latest album and even longer when they were able to perform in a proper stadium.

Soo-Yeon sought him out after and pulled him into a kiss.

Namjoon clamped his hands in her tiny waist and held her close. He closed his eyes and only opened them when Soo-Yeon planted a kiss on the tip of his nose. Namjoon’s heart sunk. This was different, this was letting another person fill the hollow in his chest.

Except every fiber in his being were resisting.

“I’m sorry.”

She searched his face. “Am I reading this wrong? Or do you already have someone important?”

Namjoon swallowed. “Someone important.”

“Oh.” Soo-Yeon’s eyes dropped, her figure wracked with disappointment. “It’s fine. I hope you the best. It has been a fun time working on the song.”

Namjoon knew it was a mistake letting her go, but he felt only relief as he watched her walk away.

\---OOO---

BTS maknae line was up to no good.

Namjoon scrutinized the three of them as they coolly suggested New Zealand to be included in their tour. Bang Si Hyuk inspected his nails. Jin and Hoseok agreed and Yoongi approved shamelessly.

“Our fan base is not that strong there.” Namjoon argued tersely.

“That was before.” Bang Si Hyuk argued back. “Our research team has managed to secure an adequate digit. Enough for a concert.”

“We might lose a lot if we don’t plan this well.”

Bang Si Hyuk shrugged. “You’re the one who told me it’s worth millions.”

Namjoon quieted.

In the secure darkness of his room, Namjoon scrolled through his gallery and stared at the pictures he had left of Jennie. Every time he unremembered a thing about her, he would look at them in panic. He scrolled till the last one then opened the text Taehyung sent him a week ago. 

Jennie’s address.

\---OOO---

Despite Namjoon’s initial reservations, the concert was a hit in New Zealand. He was even more hyped tham usual which his band mates recognized with fake bemusement. At the end of the concert,  
Namjoon had only hit the shower and shrugged on his Puma shirt and sweatpants before he was bidding them farewell.

They mockingly screamed at him their flight number which would be in two days, thanks Jin and his stubborn talent of foreseeing inevitable endings.

Namjoon rode a taxi with the address clenched in his sweaty palms. It reminded him of the first time Jennie fetched him from the airport, when the anticipation of seeing her wrecked him so.

The house was painted in shades of white and brown, homey and plain. Namjoon knocked. Once, twice, thrice and then a louder fourth. No one answered. Swallowing the ball of disappointment quickly ravaging his stomach down, he stepped back from the porch and prepared himself for the dreaded return.

He looked up and Jennie was there.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” She panicked, holding the grocery bags in front of her like a shield.

Namjoon scanned her face hungrily. “Neither are you.” It had been too long. So much misery and longing.

“Why?” asked Jennie, devastatingly confused. 

“You promised me a date with your parents.” He said instead. “Or did you forget?”

“They’re not here.” 

Namjoon crossed his hands in his chest, as a response to the cold amplified by the thin fabric of his shirt and as a protective gesture to more rejections. “Aren’t you going to invite me inside? In korea, this is considered rude.”

“We’re not in Korea.” Nonetheless, she walked up beside him, arms brushing against his side as she opened up the door. 

Namjoon sat in the sofa, looked around twice then watched her prepare him a tea. She sat down in front of him, worrying her lips in between her teeth. The knowledge that she was as nervous as him calmed him down.

“How’ve you been?” He asked softly.

“I’ve been good.” answered Jennie, her eyes flickering upstairs. “I went back to school to study fashion.”

“I thought you said you want to take literature if ever you studied formally again.”

She shrugged. “I figured I could still read then study something else.”

“I’m glad you’re doing fine.” Namjoon muttered. 

“Joonie.” Jennie folded her arms around her and it was with a pang of pain that Namjoon realized she was keeping him out as much as he was doing. “If I could go back and make my choices again, I would still choose this. I couldn’t let you go with me. You would have been ripped from your dreams, and you would have hated me along the way.”

“I know.” Namjoon said. “But it still made me feel like shit.”

“Same.” Jennie shrugged in an image of nonchalant and if he did not spend every waking hour with her before, would have believed it. 

They fell into silence. Namjoon stood up and begun scrutinizing the recent pictures hung in the wall. Jennie did not keep any of her SNS account so it was only now he had an overview of how the past year had been for her. It was mostly with her parents, a group of friends which he suspected was from her college because they were dressed the same, and one with her riding a horse.

He remembered the pictures in his phone.

“Can I see your room?”

Jennie hesitated.

“I’m not allowed that anymore?” Namjoon joked but his chest constricted.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jennie stood up with a roll of her eyes and tugged him upstairs. Namjoon struggled to think of anything else but the feel of her hands on him after so long. 

She pushed a door open and let him in. Namjoon took in the stylish design then halted.

“I thought you said you study fashion.”

“I can read and work on music while then study something else.”

Namjoon hummed, running a hand down appreciatively in the equipment with her computer. He had taught her well; the brands an echo of his own back in his studio.

“I’m not very good at it. Not as good as you.” Jennie said, defensive and Namjoon realized she was apprehensive for his opinion. The reason why she hesitated at first. “There are still lots I need to learn but I’m slowly polishing my work.”

“You still love music.” Namjoon commented, voice full of wonder.

“I don’t think it’s possible to stop.” Jennie said softly. “You told me.”

Namjoon turned his eyes on her and felt something shifted inside him, a broken piece sliding into place after hurting for too long. He took tiny steps towards her, giving her time to reject him but she remained sitting resolutely in her tiny bed. Namjoon dropped on one knee in front of her and laid a hand in one of her knee.

“I missed you. Even now.”

“I never stopped.” She whispered.

Namjoon tugged her closer, until they were breath apart. Jennie rested her hands behind his neck, and dropped tiny kisses on his nose. Namjoon released a faint laugh.

“Thank you.” He said.

“For what?”

“For everything.” For being strong, intelligent and for having the will to leave me even if it destroyed the both of us.

When they kissed again after more than a year of separation, Namjoon sent a silent prayer to the universe for continually giving them a chance and he finally trusted it enough that he knew no matter what happened, if it willed it, he would end up in Jennie’s arms again. 

They rediscovered each other that night, lips to skin and lithe limbs. Piece by piece, Namjoon tried to put his broken heart back and with each moan Jennie gasped against him, he felt a little more alive.  
Jennie settled beside him after, lazily drawing a circle in his stomach. 

“I want to be strong for you too.” Namjoon told her, and this time, though hurting, he was not cruelly broken. “I want you to finish what you started here then come back to me. I’ll wait for you.”

It took all his will power to gather his clothes in the morning.

There were no promises but Namjoon trusted both of them, and the universe.

\---OOO---

Namjoon was deep into a conversation with Jimin and Yoongi about their contingency plan now that the entire world knew of his bandmate’s relationship when the music dropped. He had heard rumors of it, but all of them vague and too hopeful but now Namjoon stood watching as Rose of YG nailed her comeback with a song written and co-produced by Jennie Kim.

Yoongi inhaled the coke he was sipping and Jimin cackled.

Namjoon waited with baited breath as Jennie’s song continued to broke the charts that night and the weeks that followed.

When he saw her again after two years, he knew more than a handful of facts about her now. 

They were both present for MMA 2023 where they met for the first time. 

Namjoon was looking up at the vast array of stars in the sky when he heard steps approaching him. He turned and saw the woman who had pumped life into his heart, broken it and continually pierced it back together. He had many things he wanted to tell her, stories he reserved for her ears and the fact that he was still as captivated by her in the same way he did when she first approached him.

Instead, he said, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Jennie strode towards him. “I wanted to talk you immediately when I saw you here but I figured you have enough scandal in your hands in the moment.”

Namjoon chuckled. “Yoongi and Jimin are a whole new disaster from us.”

“How are they?”

“They’ll manage.” Namjoon shrugged. “It’s not as hard as it could have been if they were discovered maybe five years ago. We’re working on it.”

Jennie nodded. “So?”

“What?”

“What do you think?” She smiled cheekily. “Were you surprised?”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” Namjoon smirked. “I always suspected you remind me of someone.”

Jennie stiffened. “Who is this someone and is she as pretty as me?”

“I doubt that.” Namjoon laughed. “You remind me of myself when I was just starting out, thirsty but restrained, and now you’re here.”

Jennie blinked, then smiled. “Now I’m here.”

\----OOO----

Getting back with Jennie was as natural as simply breathing air. Although Jennie was proud of the song she was able to write and produce for her Rose, she told him it would probably be the last. She wanted to pursue modeling and fashion, or whatever life decided to threw at her. They had all the time in the world.

Namjoon promised to support her with whatever she wanted, as long as she would stay by him.

“I always knew.” She murmured against his chest as they were lying in his room, their bare legs tangled together. “That I’ll come back to you. Even if you wouldn’t have me anymore, or you found someone else, I always knew I have to try.”

Namjoon kissed her deep then got up to search for something. He opened the box for her.

“I bought this when I came back after the tour in New Zealand. I promised the universe that if it leads you back to me again, I’ll marry you.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...please leave me a review and tell me if I fucked this up or if Kim Namjoon and Jennie Kim is plausible idea. My god. I swear I did not expect myself to fall in love with them along the way. This is the first time for me to feel so much for my characters. I could have ended it anytime, from their holding hands or when Jennie left but I WOULD NOT HAVE FORGIVEN MYSELF for it. I had to make sure they were together till the end. And by the way, I am aware that Serendipity has been written already before this fic started but let's pretend it happened when Joonie's deep in love with Jennie for plot's sake.


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